Emotionally it's been a tough couple of weeks. I know it's not what anyone cares to hear but I just need to get it out so that I can stop crying. We moved the week before my birthday, was hurt the day before my birthday left town and some of my siblings forgot it was my birthday then, we returned to the house and I was reminded of this never ending nightmare.
School continues and long story short... I wouldn't mind transferring to Mesa High next semester. My younger sister (in whom I share a room with now) hates my guts for trying to help her with everyday things. She walks all over me like I'm nothing.
Soccer tryouts started today..without me.
I miss my big sister being around all the time.
I'm tired of feeling sick all the time.
I enjoy my English 101 class but ready to move on to more advanced knowledge, I want a challenge.
I feel like I can't be close to anyone anymore... I'm tired of being hurt.
I want to go to BYU but that's not what my parentals want, so I'm going to ASU to Major in Speech and Hearing Science to become an interpretor.
My grandmother's 5 year anniversary of her passing was this past Friday so I had been thinking of her for the past couple of days. Cancer slowly killed her through the course of 5 or 6 years.
I took like 2 days and made 30 Halloween cupcakes for my family and only the younger 2 sibs would eat them, now I am left with 20. Thanks fam..
I missed choir so much, so I joined back in and it's been ok, I'm just not living up to my older siblings all being in Choral.
Seems like I did something to offend ever person.
I never have time to actually sit down and read a book. I miss reading.
I wish I could sleep a lot longer than a couple hours every night and through AP Government.
My math teacher hates me.
And I'd rather be shipped off to some border school than live where I do with the people I do. Is that mean?
Well, through all these things that have had a negative effect on my life I've been striving to discover something good about all of this..
My family is saving money by living in my grandmothers house.
I am writing a missionary which is actually keeping my mind off of things.
I met someone and they have an amazing smile which brightens my day.
I'm letting go of those that hurt me.
I read my scriptures every night and am always keeping a prayer in my heart.
My mom passed her very important test so we're going to celebrate.
My older brother might be coming home for Thanksgiving after all.
I've been working on my character and attitude.
I get to vote.
I love making people laugh. Especially when I am feeling down.
My dad bought me 3 pairs of shoes. We got a killer deal on them.
My little brother made the baseball team at school.
Fell in love with Taylor Swifts new CD.
School is almost done. Graduation is closer everyday.
Thinking about the future..
So, why believe?!
I hung my I Believe banner above my bed for a reminder of my goals, and my testimony when it feels shaky.
Thank you for letting me kinda pour out my feelings. It's been long over due.
10 comments:
Annie, its David.... You know we love you. Your just a typical 18 year old Mountain View High School girl. Dude i had a cup cake because i knew you worked hard on them, you just offered them to everyone right after we stuffed ourselves with great food. I think you read into thing a little too much and forget how easy you have it. There are a lot of people out there that would give anything to be in your shoes. Dont be so eager to grow up, it only gets more difficult. I love you sis.....
Love Dave.
{Now it's Kara}-David and Jordin came over for a visit. I had your post up on my laptop. David found your post...
{p.s. I was sharing a corn dog with Jordin. I asked her, "do you want some mustard?" She replied, "turd!" hahaha. Funniest thing ever.It was awesome when I got her to call Jerem a turd.}
Now that you've gotten some "consoling" words from a brother... {eye roll} it's my turn. I know it's been a difficult road for all of the Morris family members. You've encountered a lot the past few months--normally people don't go through that much in such a short period of time...and make it out sane. It's those experiences that strengthen you though; that make you capable of handling even more.
Hang in there! Senioritis is no fun, especially since you've already experienced what college is like. High school seems so full of dramatic, immature people after experiencing some college. {hope that didn't offend anyone} Graduation will be here before you know it. And nothing is wrong with ASU! No, I'm kidding. I know you have your eyes set on BYU or even east-coast...I did too. I understand what that feels like. But know that Heavenly Father has his eyes and ears on you. He knows your desires. Most importantly, he knows what experiences you need to succeed and to become your greatest potential. We don't always know why.
I didn't understand all the reasoning behind my acceptance and decision to attend ASU. I knew it was where I was supposed to be. Granted, I had dreamed about BYU since I was in 3rd grade. Yes, I did get a scholarship for ASU, which I still think I did not deserve. But now that I've finished, I realize that attending ASU and having that scholarship blessed me and our family so so so much. Words cannot even describe.
The point is that you may not see the reasoning behind the scenes. I'm not saying you have to go to ASU. You should go wherever you're directed to go that you'll be able to fund your school as well. {I know plenty of people who went to ASU for a year, worked to save up for BYU and go there after freshman year.}
I was too full for the cupcakes, by the way. They looked great, though!
p.s. I miss you too. I miss our random rap dance parties in your room--now those happen at 6am in my car on the way to school--s.o.l.o. I miss hearing the Uke coming from down that hall at 2 in the morning. I miss you stealing my clothes. I miss our obnoxious laughing fits in the wee hours of the morning.
come over for another sleep over...so you can steal half my bed. Because I miss that too.
p.p.s. You gotta step it up with Jennie though. You cannot let her walk all over you. Remember not to be demanding. She wants independence just as much as you do. She's 10.
That's part of being the oldest. I'm glad you get this experience to know what it's like. It's tough sometimes! I was reading something I wrote a while back about Jessica and how much I longed for a big sister after she passed away. You're that big sister for Jennie. She doesn't know what it's like to be a big sister or have those kinds of responsibilities, so you can't expect her to know what it's like to be in your shoes. If you belittle her, she'll quickly put on that Jennie attitude we all know so well--and won't give you the time of day.
p.p.p.s sorry for the novels. I'd call you... but you kinda don't have your phone.
Thanks guys for the words of comfort! It helped a lot. It's nice knowing someone is reading and cares.
Annie,
Life is tough. I'm sorry it's been so rough for you...especially "in" the house being affected vs outside watching..while being affected. Agreeing with Dave though...it only gets harder as we get older and/or move on and out. BYU is a great school. So is ASU. So is USC (where I wanted to receive a scholarship and go to school). Do whatever the Lord tells you to do and it will work out all right. Generally, parents want what they think is best for their children. Sometimes they are right and sometimes they end up not being right. The important thing is for you to do what you feel prompted to do. If you go to a school or go into a program of study...only to please others around you without your heart actually being in the decision, you'll have regrets for years to come. Life will come and go by...and we can't please everyone. Always seek to please the Lord and he'll make sure you can be happy too!
p.s. and don't worry about crying. Not only is it soothing, but it is healthy for our bodies and our spirits. It's a wonderful way of expressing emotion. Don't feel ashamed of tears. They show that you're a "REAL" person, that you care and that you have feelings. Good luck girl.
Your dad buys you shoes! All my dad gets me are stuffed animals and John Wayne movies...ya be jealous...
Next point, you have been writing to a missionary? Kara, why have I not heard about this?!? jk
...I would have eaten a cupcake. I'm pretending I have a pre-pregnancy body that can handle things like chocolate so maybe I'd have two. : )
One more thing to remember, High school is only one short part of your life. I have to remind myself every day to not stress the little things. (Even if there are a lot of little things that make up big things.) I say, "Self, today is only one day. If I mess up, it's okay. If I pass this test great! If not, it's only one test. If I don't get the dishes done that's okay. etc. etc." Some moments of our lives we have to live one day at a time.
I'm so glad you're able to find joy in your life amid all the mess. You're an inspiration to us all! : ) (said slightly sarcastically, but with a honest tune.)
P.S. Life might get harder, but it gets so much better too!!! Like having little things run around the house calling Uncle Jerem a Turd. : )
Kathy...I love you.
I love you Annie!! And I read this lovely blog all the time!
Just know that you are not in this 'nightmare' alone. Love you. Mom
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