Wonder as I Wander

I think it's hit me. A little anyway... we'll see.

Sometimes I like being alone and sometimes I hate being alone.

(and hate is a strong word, for me)

I like thinking out load, kind of similar to talking to myself but, it actually means something. It helps me think clearer, memorize things, and sometimes even bring things to my remembrance. It just all around helps me. Although it has been known to "hurt" me.

Sometimes I think too much... and I over think, over analyze and over judge things. It kind of sucks. I'm getting better at telling myself to shut up. But I'm using "getting better" loosely.

Don't get me wrong, it's not drugs or rated R movies that I'm over thinking.. its just life.

Please refrain from laughing at me, thanks.

I don't like life sometimes, and its always nice to have someone to share it with, someone to talk to, someone to laugh with and someone that cares. That is what makes my life bearable.

(that and California)

This is why I don't like being alone.

But sometimes I like being alone. But only sometimes and not for long..

I like thinking about things clearly and reasonably.

I like being myself, I like crying when I feel like crying and I like laughing like crazy when I feel like dying with laughter. Why?

Cause I'm crazy.

No, I don't know. Maybe its like a security blanket for me. Or maybe its just how I cope.

I don't know. But it helps.

I like the feeling of knowing that someone cares. I like the feeling of knowing that I can be myself and someone cares. I like being with people that care and I like being with people that I care about.

The Eye for an Eye method doesn't have to be negative... it just needs to be demonstrated properly. Almost like the Golden Rule but on steroids.

If a person were to be nice, why be rude back? And if you were to be nice, what gives them a reason to be rude back. Make sense? Didn't think so.

Everyone has that little devil on their shoulder, its just human. But whether they choose to listen to it or not is agency.

Confused yet? It's ok... I'm just thinking out loud.

I think that I think backward, or at least different than most people.

I like looking at things from a different perspective, you know, without all the sugar coating and without all the negativity. Just sort of.. neutral. I guess that could be it. But obviously not for everything.

Ha I know not too many people read this, it just started out as kind of a record keeper for me. Something I could go to to....think out loud. But not a Diary or a Journal.

Just something to keep myself sane I guess.

When I'm alone, I like to write. I'm not good or anything, but it gets my feelings out through a different character, a different out look. And I like to sing. I turn on music and sing along to whatever I feel like. Sometimes I sing in front of the mirror with a huge smile on my face.

And boy does it feel good to be alone.

I like being with people.

I like driving around in the car with the windows down (only when the weather is nice) and blasting music and just having fun.

I like driving around with the music playing softly in the background while I talk with whoever happens to be with me.

And, I like driving around with no music.

When I'm alone. I like to write, blogging included.

This is all scatterbrained, but it comforts me to know that I'm still thinking and that I'm still here.

I'm so grateful that I have so many good friends and family that surround me. And if your reading this.. that must mean your one of them because there are only 2 reasons why someone would read my blog.... :)