It's times like these where feelings fester inside and there is no way I want them to get out; not all at once anyway. All at once is just bad. I've helped myself in a few ways the past few years, I've learned new things about myself, and developed some good habits and some not so good habits.
This past year has been so hard since my family moved; turns out I was letting feelings fester inside. BUT one thing I've learned is that I like to cuddle up and watch a movie to make me feel better. A bad habit I will admit to is where I would cuddle up and watch a movie that wasn't the best choice, depending on why I was feeling down. It not only was a sad movie but also one that wasn't encouraging in good ways (don't worry, there was no porn involved). One night I decided to watch a movie that would ACTUALLY make me feel better instead of fake better. After the movie, I felt very confident of myself and felt better towards life in general. Thus, I dropped my old habit and formed a new one.
A few weeks back, my Human Development teacher instructed each student to write a research paper on a social issue in any age group. Naturally, everyone picked obesity or child abuse. I picked Bullying. Mainly focusing on teens in middle school/ high school age group but also touched on elementary. It's a very broad topic to cover but I narrowed mine down to the effects bullying has on children and what motivates bullies. This was probably my most favorite paper to write (and I never say that). When everyone presented their papers to the class, mainly through a Power Point or just reading bullet points from their paper; I presented mine with a short video of Demi Lovato ( I look up to her for her courage, strength, and confidence) explaining her struggles with bullying and the lasting effects it had on her and still has on her. I shared some facts and ended my presentation. Walking out, another student in my class asked why I didn't share a personal experience like the rest of the class did. We joked about it and went our separate ways. Truth is, I was too scared. I thought about sharing one at the end but when the short video ended I was on the verge of tears, so I didn't.
Now, what do these two things have in common? I watched a movie tonight(I know it's late and my mom will probably be a little upset because she'll probably have a hard time getting me out of bed in a few hours, but it was worth it I think). I watched a movie; It's a cheesy movie but I'm not going to lie; I cried. It had a good message to it. A girl in high school was cyber bullied so bad she tried to kill herself; she ended up missing I think, a month or so of school to get help. Her parents were also recently divorced, which doesn't help but her mom was really good about sticking with her and really focusing on her daughters needs through this rough time. She got through it all and in the end stood up to the bullies. It was a good message.
I too experienced some bullying, not cyber bullying, but normal bullying in elementary and junior high. I was fortunate to have good friends and family through those times. But it was in high school when I lost everything I had. Or everything I thought i had I guess. Turns out, friends were lying, faking, being rude and it was humiliating to me. I lost all my close friends. Then to top it off, I moved. Haha seems silly now that I look back on it; I should have seen it coming, it could have been avoided. But what isn't funny is that I felt horrible about myself, I wanted to bring others down with me. I was turning into the bully that I hated, which made me not like me even more. I don't know why. I'm doing better now I suppose, haha with my new habits I've got going. I work lots and I am enjoying school! I paint my nails, listen to LOTS of music and watch movies ;) I don't ignore it I just check myself every now and then and make sure I'm doing ok. Just be sure to keep an eye out for younger sibs, close friends and other family memebers that may be experiencing similar things; it's not a fun ride.
Anyway, I just really needed to get that out of my system. BUT, I'm really excited for Christmas this year. I'm getting gifts for everyone and I'm trying to be good about it. Get things that my siblings will actually use. Haha! Which is hard for my older siblings, cause if they need something, they just go get it.. haha they should keep in consideration that Christmas is coming up ;)
Anywho, just wanted to drop in and say, Don't Hate, Merry Christmas and give someone a hug today or at least a smile. There is probably nothing more I love right now then to see a person smile back at me , it makes me feel good.
Haha so yeah... there's my update! :)
3 comments:
Annie thanks for publishing this post! You did such a wonderful job opening up and I am so proud of you. It's common to look back to high school and junior high and even elementary school and realize how trivial certain things were. I think when you linger on negative feelings and things that bullies said or did to you you aren't able to move past those things and it festers. The fact that you can see how trivial things are shows that you have been able to move beyond that. I admire that you were able to recognize that "bully within", that is a hard thing to admit. I had an old ward and school friend of mine call me up out of the blue last year to apologize for bullying me in elementary school. She cried her eyes out and remembered very specific things she and her friends said and did. I had moved past it and forgotten it, but it was something that she held on to for years. Sometimes being the bully can be just as hard as being bullied when dealing with the guilt of knowing you hurt someone. Anyway, I'm proud of you! Love you!
Thank you Haley! It was hard to open up but I am feeling better now that I have. Thank you for sharing the story as well, I have been discovered more stories of others who have dealt with similar situations. It's nice to have that lonely feeling disappear as a result. Thank you for commenting, Love you too! I hope all is going well with your cute little family!
;) <3
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